I’ve been waiting for you my entire life. When I was little, I imagined what you would look like. I hoped that I would always find shelter with you. I wanted to reciprocate the same thing – being the closest being under the sun. Only once I did not regret wanting you. When my mother died.
Sometimes I have heard that thoughts about you are naïvy and idealized. I felt it would be different with us. After all, who, like not us? To this day, I see us on a common park bench, hugging each other, with tears of emotion in our throats. The joy of the fact that we have ourselves would radiate to everyone around us.
Today’s tears are squeezed by the regret that I couldn’t realize these visions. You were not with me. In many moments, more or less, I missed. I couldn’t enjoy my greatest successes with you. I did not bake cakes for you. You won’t visit me on my island.
Thanks to your absence, I avoided quarrels, disappointments, unnecessary emotions. It was easier for me to make many decisions without consulting them with you. Maybe that’s why life didn’t give me children?
“Whoever you are, wherever you live, on any way I meet you, my arms always open will embrace YOU.”
A verse of an old song, which I sang on the only, unfinished pilgrimage to Częstochowa (polish sanctuary). In my ears today sounds completely different. Dear brother, dear sister I do not know who you are, I do not know where you live, today I want to take a moment for you – I want to give you MYSELF. I have never had the opportunity to tell you how much I regret, that they didn’t gave you a chance to live. I forgave my mother as soon as I found out.